If at First You Don’t Succeed…
12 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in Wisdom Seekers Homeschool Academy
In a previous post, I shared about how I was having a bit of trouble motivating myself to complete a homemade curriculum for Nevaeh. We’re not in a position to drop hundreds of dollars on professional curricula, so my goal was to use the resources I did have and could afford to put together something that would be enjoyable for Nevaeh’s first year of school.
I had a plan and some great materials, but my ultimate vision for how Wisdom Seekers Homeschool Academy would look still wasn’t coming together. Nevaeh was no doubt enjoying our school time and so was I. It was the extra time I spent producing worksheets, games, and charts that I was starting not to like.
Now, I knew there was a fair trade-off to be made in deciding to make my own curriculum. In all honesty, I really enjoy all of our customized, homemade games and hand-drawn worksheets. But I was hoping to spend, I don’t know, one or two days a week compiling materials, as opposed to every night after the children had gone to bed. As can be imagined, I began falling short of my own lofty expectations. After some prayer and seeking the Lord, I was reminded that God is not the author of confusion. Yet, confusion, discouragement, and weariness was where I had landed and I knew something had to change.
After doing (even more) research, and praying, and blog-scouring, and Nevaeh-observing, I’ve decided that a Charlotte Mason approach— with a little Montessori mixed in— is the best route for our family to take to achieve the vision Ahmad and I have for our school. While the approach I was taking before did a great job of assuring me that I could definitely homeschool on a dime, at the end of the day, it was very much like “school-at-home”. Now, by no means am I saying that anything is wrong with this approach, it just wasn’t what I wanted. I needed something that went a little deeper than just covering x-amount of topics and completing x-amount of worksheets… Although I do love a good worksheet!
With the approach we’re taking now, I feel as if we have a bit more freedom with what we cover and when, and a bit more ecclecticism (if that’s a real word) overall. By combining aspects from both Ms. Mason and Ms. Montessori, I’ll be better able to ensure that Nevaeh’s learning how to think and not just memorize facts and complete tasks.
For those who are unfamiliar with the Charlotte Mason and Montessori teaching methods, you’ll have to go and Google them just like I did. I’ll give you a quick breakdown though:
Charlotte Mason’s education style is heavily based on literature— classic literature. The suggested reading for students are known as “living books”. Examples would be works by Beatrix Potter, Rudyard Kipling or C.S. Lewis. Not to sound harsh, but books by Dr. Seuss or those of the like would be considered “twaddle” by Ms. Mason. The books encourage the child to ponder and imagine, not to delight only in humorous rhymes. With this method, literature is used as the foundation of all subjects, not just language arts.
Narration is also a big focus in a Charlotte Mason education. Not only will this help develop your student’s thinking and language skills (one of the main reasons I was drawn to this approach for Nevaeh), but it’s a great way for me to get a grasp of just how much she’s comprehending. Narration can be done orally or it can be written, and for younger students, it can even be illustrated.
As far as the Montessori method, I love that it is very hands-on and Nevaeh learns best visually and kinetically. A true Montessori classroom takes a lot of work and materials though. It thrives on the idea of children learning on their own terms, freely exploring pre-organized materials after a short lesson or explanation. As I said though, a true Montessori classroom takes a lot of work to set up, and some Montessori materials can be very expensive. So, for now, we’ll just be “borrowing” from this method.
So this is where we stand at WSHA. We’ve already taken a stab at our new lesson plan and Nev and I are both really enjoying it! I feel like the combining of these two methods will best bring about the education we envision for her, and overall, the love of learning we want to instill in all of our children. Stay tuned for more posts that go into detail about our lesson plans and other resources we’re using.
Mac and Cheese Ministry
09 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in Nourishment
Anyone who knows me, or rather, anyone who doesn’t really know me, knows that my verbal skills are pretty… well-hidden. I’ve never been one to strike up a conversation with a stranger and I all but shut down in group settings. It’s not that I’m necessarily short on thoughts; something about social situations just makes me lose my ability to articulate verbally. I’ve learned to accept it and enjoy all of the listening I’m able to do in my silence.
Needless to say, public speaking isn’t what I believe to be one of the gifts the Lord has granted me. While I believe in and cling to the truth of 2 Timothy 1:7, I know speaking to crowds (or in small groups) is not likely my calling.
The thought of evangelism can be quite intimidating for me! What do you say to someone who’s broken heart is open to receiving the beauty of the Gospel, much less to someone who only wants to argue and debate? You don’t want to mess up either opportunity. So, I always thought that I would only be useful in spreading the message after I had reached a certain point in my spiritual maturity. Once I had memorized a certain amount of Scripture and became knowledgeable in Christian history and apologetics, then I would have something worthwhile to share in leading someone to Christ. Until then, I would just keep “living right” and letting my light shine, hoping that in itself would be enough to reach the lost.
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My husband is fearless. One of the things I love most about our relationship is the fact that he can say what I may not have the heart to. At times, it’s almost as if he can sense my loss for words and he’ll just jump right in and verbalize the same thoughts I’m struggling to express. God’s grace is evident in him though, in that he’s never outspoken or “sticking his foot in his mouth”. Where I often feel like I need a wealth of knowledge in order to have something useful to say, my husband will say just what needs to be said to prove a point or make an impact, without going above and beyond or leaving you scratching your head.
…Preach the Good News— and not with clever speeches and high-sounding ideas, for fear that the Cross would lose its power. —1 Corinthians 1:17
Ahmad had an opportunity for evangelism the other day with one of his co-workers. God opened a door for him to speak and he bravely stepped through. It was a great testimony of how God can do anything with what we have and what we do know if we are humble enough to offer ourselves to Him.
The conversation came about with the co-worker asking Ahmad about hanging out, playing some golf and grabbing a few beers. He politely declined, which led to the co-worker asking why he had been politely declining all of his invitations lately. Ahmad explained that his life was on a different path now-a-days; he had a different focus for himself and for our family and he was in a season where that’s what he was investing his time and resources into. Now, if you know Ahmad, you know the vernacular was very different!
After more conversing, Ahmad explained how he was keeping his relationship with God as a priority— this ultimately meant that less important things fall to the bottom of the list, if they even make the list. By no means was he trying to devalue his co-worker because of his own superior spirituality, just explaining the value of his relationship with Christ and our family.
Eventually the conversation reached a peak with one of those questions. You know, the “if/why” questions that you never really have a good enough answer for: “If God is good, why are innocent people dying or small children starving and homeless?” “If God is perfect, why is He content with my life being a mess?” Ahmad didn’t hesitate to confess that he had no answers for those questions. No Scriptures came to mind and he had nothing logical, intellectual, or convincing to offer.
The answer he gave, I thought was amazing (although I might be biased) and really showed how our relationship with the Lord flourishes in our faith and is expressed through love.
Ahmad’s humble and Holy Spirit-led response was a simple and heartfelt one. He told his co-worker that while he didn’t know any of the why’s or why not’s, he knew that if he came to the end of his life and found out that everything in the Bible was a lie, it was all worth it. It was worth it to dedicate his life to following Christ because he’s been forever changed. He’s not perfect, but he’s not at all who he was and nothing else he’s done has helped him to grow and progress the way Christ has.
Now, there was no immediate transformation of his co-worker. He didn’t surrender his life to Christ that day and the conversation probably ended there. But Ahmad said just enough to feed him.
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I look at my life of evangelism as a menu, if you will. More often than not, I’ll let my own insecurities hold up the process of anyone getting fed, so others are left to look at what they could have. Instead of giving them a plate, I kill myself trying to prepare something more luxurious and “gourmet”. But, as my wise mother would often say, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” Hungry people just need something to eat!
My husband’s short conversation with his co-worker was so inspiring to me. Again, what a testimony to how God will use what we have— He never asks us to go beyond our own abilities or refutes them, despite how little we may have to offer (see Mark 6:30-44). I constantly hinder myself (and, I suppose, the spreading of the Gospel) by feeling like I don’t have enough knowledge to make a difference. But God’s grace is enough!
…When I first came to you I didn’t use lofty words and brilliant ideas to tell you God’s message. For I decided to concentrate only on Jesus Christ and His death on the Cross. I came to you in weakness— timid and trembling. And my message and my preaching were very plain. I did not use wise and persuasive speeches, but the Holy Spirit was powerful among you. I did this so that you might trust the power of God rather than human wisdom. —1 Corinthians 2:1-5
Hungry people just want something to eat. I can’t withhold the nourishment and truth that can bring healing and restoration to someone’s life because I’m wasting time trying to configure a more fancy-shmancy message or a more intellectual presentation. All I can do is take what I do have, offer it to the Lord, and believe that He will bless it and put it to work. Thank God for boxed macaroni and cheese, canned vegetables, hot dogs and tuna pouches! For the person who is truly hungry, that is sufficient to sustain and satisfy him in his time of need.
A Wife After God’s Own Heart, pt. 4: A Fulfilled Wife
06 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
in Daughters of Sarah, Nourishment
Finally! We’ve made it to the last post in this series. Please, forgive my tardiness with these posts— I’m trying to get back on track. Just bear (bare?) with me while I find a preferred balance between this blog and my everyday life.
In three previous posts I shared some lessons I’ve learned throughout my marriage in the areas of humility, service, and forgiveness. This final post sheds a little light on what I believe is one of the most important lessons to be learned in any marriage— subsequently, this is the one I took longer to learn than I should have. This post is about keeping your relationship with Christ as your focal point and highest priority in life.
As I bring this series to a close, I’m amazed at what the Lord has shown me through this simple act of reflecting on lessons learned. While it’s been fun marveling at how far Ahmad and I have come in just these few years, it’s also been sobering. We still have a long way to go, not just as a couple, but as individuals, to achieve the vision we have for our marriage.
That said, one last time, I’ll leave you with the Scripture that inspired this series. For me, this passage is not just beautiful and inspiring, but also a charge to my responsibility as a wife pursuing godly womanhood and a blessed, joy-filled marriage.
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. —Proverbs 31:10-12
As I hinted earlier, keeping my relationship with Christ on the forefront was not my strong suit. In all honesty, it wasn’t even a thought. By entering into my relationship with Ahmad unsaved, broken, confused, and completely ignorant of my self-worth, I looked to him to fill those voids in my life. My happiness, in all things, depended on him and his response to my severe co-dependence.
Do not worship any other gods besides me. Do not make idols of any kind… You must never worship or bow down to them, for I, the Lord your God, is a jealous God who will not share your affection with any other god! —Exodus 20:3,4
I had turned my relationship with Ahmad into a graven image, even after I was saved. I struggled not to cross the line of making my efforts to please him and live for him a top priority. I thought my duty as a wife was to cater to his every whim. This ridiculous thinking only left me frustrated and at times, irate, especially when my efforts weren’t returned. I plummeted down a vicious spiral of selfishness and pride, constantly adding an unwanted and undeserved burden on Ahmad. He wasn’t then, and isn’t now, able to fill the space meant to be filled by the Lord.
What does it look like to idolize your husband? Pretty nuts, to say the least! It happens very subtly, and you don’t even realize anything is happening. For me, I thought I was just a loving and caring, slightly over-concerned and neurotic spouse. It took a lot of time and learning to yield to the Holy Spirit for me to realize where I had come. I wasn’t the least bit concerned with loving or serving my husband anymore— I only wanted those actions showered upon me. I thought that was Ahmad’s job.
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I had completely separated my marriage from my spiritual life. My relationship with God (which, no doubt, was suffering) was kept apart from my marriage relationship. I didn’t know how to make the two coexist. In catering to the one, I neglected the other, missing how the strength and longevity of my marriage directly depends on Christ.
Don’t you realize that whatever you choose to obey becomes your master?… —Romans 6:16
No, I didn’t.
The thing I wanted most from Ahmad was emotional gratification, and his failure to deliver left me a slave to my emotions. This fulfillment I was seeking from him was never his to grant me in the first place. The wholeness I was longing for, the sense of peace I was missing, and most of all, the freedom of knowing who I was, could only come from Christ. Yet, I had allowed my entire identity to become lost in what I felt toward Ahmad (and he toward me) on any given day. I had to learn just who I was in Christ, and learn how to live only according to that standard, not anyone else’s or even my own.
…Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect His will really is. —Romans 12:2
What a blessing it has been to learn this important, life-saving lesson in priority. The success of all my relationships depend on the reverence I have for my relationship with my Heavenly Father. In marriage, my intimacy with God directly affects my attitudes and actions toward my husband. It rids my flesh of vanity and selfishness and prepares my heart for gracious service. In short, I can not rightly love my husband if I am not right with Christ.
I hope you enjoyed this series!
CHEC Conference, 2011– “It’s not education, it’s discipleship.”
17 Jun 2011 2 Comments
in Wisdom Seekers Homeschool Academy
Thanks in part to CHEC’s Parents of Preschoolers program (which granted me free admission) and a dear friend (who watched my children for the day), I was able to attend my first homeschool conference! WOO HOO!!
Christian Home Educators of Colorado, respectively known as “CHEC”, hosted their annual conference, this one titled The Rocky Mountain Super Conference on the Family, going on from June 16-18. I was only able to make it on Thursday, but I think that may have been the only day I really need to attend. I loved how the focus was not entirely on homeschooling (although that obviously played a major role). It was more about encouraging and equipping the families who are up for the task.
I only heard two speakers, R. C. Sproul, Jr. and Kevin Swanson. We (Ahmad and I) were a bit late for Mr. Sproul’s message. I was having a wardrobe dilemma– meaning I went through three different outfits before i finally decided on one. From the few notes I was able to take though, I enjoyed how he pointed out the importance of upholding the family model and how God specifically uses families to fulfill and carry on His covenants with people.
Following Mr. Sproul, we went to Mr. Swanson’s workshop. Let me be frank: HE ROCKED MY WORLD! Anything we ever needed to hear to keep us inspired and motivated as a homeschool family, Mr. Swanson said it. He was quite a character, so it was almost impossible not to immediately be captivated by him. He was loud from the first word he spoke, and very animated. His gangly arms seemed to be constantly flying in every direction, and his neck tie right along with them. He’d done so much moving and flailing at one point, he got himself tangled in his microphone wires. Needless to say, it was hard to ignore someone so… emphatic!
The workshop was titled, “Homeschooling– Catch the Vision!”, but I think “Prioritize the Vision!” would have been equally fitting. In a situation where it’s so easy to get wrapped up in choosing a curriculum, purchasing supplies, or preparing for standardized testing, Mr. Swanson implored us to refocus ourselves altogether. After a few jokes about the freedom we have as homeschoolers, like going to school in our pajamas or bringing guns to school (his son liked to keep his hunting rifle near the table), he started and finished things with the notion that developing our children’s character should be preeminent in their education. Instead of presenting us with a persuasive list of the benefits of home education, he presented us with a challenge and a charge to make sure our ultimate goal is glorifying God.
Five main principles were covered, again beginning with character. He also touched on our children’s individuality as people and as learners, the relational aspect of homeschooling, the importance of instilling a fear of God in our children, and finally, he brought to light the fact that home education is one of our strongest tools for discipling our children.
I also loved how Mr. Swanson didn’t discourage discouragement. He certainly didn’t justify wallowing in those feelings, but he kept it real: it’s inevitable. Even after recently graduating one of their children from their homeschool, Mrs. Swanson still wakes her husband in the middle of the night, in tears, with tales of how she’s failed for the day. He reminded us of the high calling to which we’re attempting to answer and that God’s grace is sufficient for the task.
So, all in all, I thoroughly enjoyed my day and am adequately inspired to continue on this journey. What’s more, so is Ahmad. He always supported my homeschool vision, but it was my vision. He didn’t necessarily share the passion and conviction that I had. I think attending this conference really helped to fill in that missing puzzle piece for him. After hearing firsthand exactly what we as homeschoolers are trying to accomplish with our children and our families as a whole, it’s hard not to say, “Yes! I want that!”
I’m so grateful to have had the opportunity to attend this conference. God used His Word to open our hearts and He used those speakers to “speak” right into them. Our family and our homeschool have both forever been impacted because of that day.
What we’ve been up to… Week(s) in Review!
24 May 2011 1 Comment
in Wisdom Seekers Homeschool Academy
Well, aren’t I behind! I assure you that my lack of consistency with posting our weekly school accomplishments isn’t a reflection of our consistency with “doing” school. This blog can be hard to keep up with though, so bear (bare?) with me. We have been schooling and having a great time with it! Nevaeh really enjoys our learning time together, and oddly enough, this is one of our most calm parts of the day (partly because I’ve retrained Marlee to take her morning naps during our hour to hour-and-a-half of school time). Things are going very well, and everyday I’m more reassured that we made the right decision with deciding to home educate.
So here’s what we’ve been doing:
Bible: We learned about Noah and the flood, with our memory verse coming from Genesis 6:9. I found a neat 24-piece jigsaw puzzle at the Dollar Tree with Noah and his animals in the boat, which we really enjoyed. We drew pictures of some of the animals that were in the boat and watched a video on YouTube. The following week, we didn’t read any particular Bible story, but I made Nevaeh a booklet with the stories we’ve covered so far; she was able to read through that on her own. She did some coloring sheets, reviewed her memory verses and watched the Adam and Eve video again, because she liked that one.
Reading and Phonics: We reviewed the letters R, O, and D, practicing their sounds and writing each letter. We also practiced writing some letters we’ve already covered. One of Nevaeh’s favorite phonics activities is making words with her letter tiles, so we did that to her heart’s content. She also has a file folder game she played, matching the pictures to their correct beginning letter sound. Besides that, she read aloud each day from her reader and also read The Cat in the Hat all by herself in one sitting! The words in the book aren’t too hard for her, but that book is long! Needless to say, I was proud 
Math: We did lots of sorting and learned about pairs. That one was tricky, but only because it wasn’t until I whipped out one of our worksheets did she realize the lesson had nothing to do with fruit! All of our sorting activities were hands on, sorting things by color or shape and even category. We sorted everything from lacing buttons to fruits and veggies to silverware! She really enjoyed it though. By the end of the week, she didn’t even need a demonstration– I’d dump the items in front of her, and after taking it all in, she’d eventually get to work. She seemed to grasp the idea of “pairs” after practicing on a few worksheets first. Once she got the hang of it, we worked on pairing up all of the shoes, socks and gloves we could find.
Language: I’m so excited about the progress we’re making in this area! Nevaeh’s language is developing more and more each day and her sentences are getting longer and longer. Besides reading together each day and talking about everything that can be talked about, we’ve begun learning vocabulary words. This was one of the ideas I got from the book I mentioned in my last school-related post. We’re focusing on familiarizing her with simple definitions of the world around her, like toothbrush or refrigerator, so she can go beyond identifying things, but actually (eventually) explaining their functions. We’ve also been keeping up with our signing videos, which has been a big help. Just by learning the signs for “what”, “are”, “where” and “to”, we’re able to practice putting simple sentences together and answering simple questions. Marlee enjoys signing too and has even started signing a few words, her favorite one being “eat”!
Miscellaneous: Since “toothbrush” actually did end up being one of our vocabulary words, we took a few days to talk about our teeth and proper dental care. I guess that’s considered Science… ? The following week we talked about the different kinds of weather and what to wear for the weather. It was perfect since it seemed like we had everything from sunshine to mild hail. PBS Kids has a cool game where you have to dress one of the little characters according to the weather outside (Gerald’s Weather Wheel), and that made for some great fun. We’ve been keeping up with our piano lessons, and Nevaeh played her first song last week! It was the same note over and over, but she had to read the music to know when to press the key (and when not to) and which finger (left or right thumb) to press it with. It was nothing short of amazing!
I hope everyone has a great summer break. We’ll keep forging along though and maybe take our first break when everyone else is starting up again!
Counting My Blessings: A Reflection on Motherhood and Psalm 127:3-5
11 May 2011 2 Comments
in Nourishment
With Mother’s Day just passing, I’ve spent quite a bit of time observing my two beautiful girls and reflecting on my journey as a parent. Whoever coined the phrase, “time flies,” was absolutely right! I can’t believe how fast my girls are growing; I’m so thankful to God that I have the opportunity to spend my days here with them, enjoying and witnessing every moment. Even on the days when I’m at my absolute worst (or they are at theirs), God uses their innocent little hearts and bright little smiles to minister to me, making His love and presence evermore real.
It took a while for me to “come into my own” as a mom. As with every other life-changing event in my adulthood, I became a parent at what seemed to be the most unconventional time. I was neither married, saved, employed, or sure of the future of my relationship with Ahmad. But in an instant, it seemed, I had gone from enjoying life as a careless youngster to being thrust into the responsibilities of adulthood, kicking and screaming.
I became pregnant with sweet Nevaeh about two months after Hurricane Katrina hit. Ahmad and I were living in Houston at the time, and the only thing certain about our existence was the fact that “the two of us” was soon to be “the three of us.” While I was excited about our bringing a baby into the world, I was equally terrified and confused.
Up until Nevaeh was born, I’d had no real experience or interaction with babies or small children. Although I grew up with a baby in the house (my younger brother is eight years behind me), that wasn’t a big part of my world. I can remember the first few months of my little brother’s life, only because he was born right before summer break. By August I was back in school and all I remember from there is the time I spent avoiding him and objecting to having to babysit.
I’ll be honest, I never really cared for children, even as a child. They made me uncomfortable, always looking so helpless and fragile, and they seemed to always need something. I didn’t mind holding a baby every now and again, but that wasn’t an occurrence that happened often and it was a fleeting pleasure. Needless to say, despite eagerly anticipating my own new baby’s arrival, I was concerned about how I would relate to her.
My first few months with Nevaeh were tough. I was in the throws of the delusion that comes with sleep depravity, and on top of that, still unmarried, unsaved, unemployed and unsure of Ahmad’s and my future. With all the time she and I spent together, well past her first year, I still didn’t feel like someone’s mom. At best, I often felt like an ill-equipped nanny.
When I got pregnant with little Marlee, we were already in Denver. The pregnancy was a surprise, but this time, I was ready! I was married, saved, and employed, unanxious about taking on two kids at once. By then I had been working in daycare, so I was well used to being with up to eight kids (depending on their age) all by myself.
Things were extremely tight (financially) after Marlee was born. I had quit my job about six months before and my husband’s job was getting really slow with the amount of work hours available. This time around, I wasn’t concerned about my relationship with my children, but our ability to provide for them.
Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior’s hands. How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates. —Psalms 127:3-5 (NLT)
There were times when my children didn’t seem like a blessing or a gift. Instead of launching arrows into the world I felt like I was dodging them! I can remember times where I barely had the will to leave my bed and days where I cried and yelled just as much as they did (if not more). It pains me now to think of how much time I wasted letting thoughts of failure and inadequacy rob me of all the joys that were mine to claim as a mother.
Children are truly a blessing! Sadly though, they’re usually the only blessing met with negativity or disdain. If someone blesses me with one hundred dollars I don’t complain about it or feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of figuring out how to spend it. I’d probably have that decided before the bill makes it to my wallet. How much more fleeting is a financial gift, or any other material gift, than the gift of children! As Sally Clarkson says in her book, The Mission of Motherhood, through our children we have “the opportunity to influence eternity.” What could be a greater blessing than that?
These girls, and all the little Landix’s still to come, have done so much to teach me God’s will for my life. Beyond that, they give me constant glimpses of Christ’s character in action.
Sweet Nevaeh, who sometimes struggles to articulate verbally, lets her heart speak for her. She’s full of care and compassion, always eager to lend a hand, a hug, and if it’s Marlee, a soft pat on the head. She’s not stingy with affection or praise and she holds no grudges, something I truly believe was a specific gift from the Lord.
Little Marlee is equally precious and sweet, but not short on spice. She loves cuddling and hugs, and already tries to make others smile with her funny faces or her jumbled-up jargon of pep-talks. I think the Lord is building in her a heart of empathy. A sad face or tear will be quickly met with one of her sweet embraces (including the complementary pats on the back) and a soft rub on the cheek.
My journey as a mother has been a learning experience full of ups and downs, twists and turns. I’m thankful for every moment though, because God has used each one to shape me and grow my faith and character. My only hope is that, despite all of my stumbles and shortcomings, my life will be one my children are proud of and that I leave behind a legacy that helps point them and my future generations to Christ.
A Wife After God’s Own Heart, pt. 3: A Forgiving Wife
28 Apr 2011 Leave a Comment
in Daughters of Sarah, Nourishment
Here’s post number three in our series… This one (for me) won’t be so easy. I’ve already discussed humility and service, two areas that are pertinent to the thriving of my marriage. This post is about forgiveness and how it can either help a marriage flourish or how the lack can rip one to shreds. I almost feel unqualified to speak on the issue because it has been such a struggle for me, but with God’s grace and the guidance of the Holy Spirit I believe nothing I write will be in vain.
So, once again, here’s the passage that has inspired this series– a true picture of a wife after God’s heart:
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. —Proverbs 31:10-12
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Surrendering Justice
I don’t want to start off by making excuses or trying to justify ungodly behavior, but I can say, quite honestly, I had no idea what true forgiveness really was. Even after being born again and believing without a doubt that Jesus died so my sins would be forgiven, I didn’t have a clue as to how I was supposed to go about forgiving someone. I certainly wasn’t willing to die in order to absolve the sins and guilt of someone who had wronged me. I was never too keen on that whole “forgive and forget” idea either; God has gifted me with an excellent memory (at least of everyone who’s ever scorned me). Forgetting seemed more impossible than just dying! So, despite all of the verses I’d read or all the sermons I’d heard, I still didn’t have a clear picture of what it looked like to forgive someone. Especially not my husband!
Before I was married, I chalked forgiveness up to the idea of neither party (the person wronged or the wretched sinner) ever bringing up the issue of conflict ever again. There’s no talking it out, no “looking for common ground”; just act as if none of it ever happened. For me, this was no big deal. Anyone who knows me knows that I can out-silence a mime! And if that didn’t work, I would just cut all ties with the other party altogether. Let’s just agree to burn this bridge and take a new route. This is easier said than done when the other party shares your bed.
So, I’m back where I began, not knowing how to forgive. More than that, I didn’t even know when to forgive! I can remember so many times I sat around holding a grudge for weeks at a time. Little did I know, my attitude of unforgiveness was like a lethal poison, slowly coursing through the veins of my marriage.
My old definition of forgiveness used to be, “not being upset when someone has hurt you.” Man, was I way off the mark! I later heard a definition that convicted me and gave me loads of revelation and perspective. I heard a pastor define forgiveness as waving your right to seek retaliation, justice, or vindication against someone who’s wronged you. This is exactly what I WASN’T doing. I thought my forgiveness could only be administered after my wrath had been. I’d never once thought about “waving” that right!
I honestly suffered some acute mental anguish after being challenged by this idea of “surrendered justice.” Not only did it not make any sense to me, it seemed almost near impossible. But, after much prayer and seeking God (to change my own heart), and studying the Word (not just reading it), the Lord revealed some powerful, life-changing realities to me.
First of all, forgiveness has NOTHING do to with whether or not I can keep from being upset about something. Some things just hurt and there’s no getting around it. That said, I definitely had to stop being a slave to my emotions and not let every little offense reduce me to tears. But, God does not frown upon anger; He does warn us, however, not to let it cause us to sin (Ephesians 4:26). In my own experience, unforgiveness was usually the first sin that blossomed when anger was present. I wasn’t just giving the devil a foothold— I was practically giving him a piggy-back ride!
Secondly, I don’t have to go crazy trying to rid my brain of each unpleasant memory in order to feel like I’ve achieved forgiveness. I’m no theologian, but I don’t think forgetfulness is a part of God’s will for us. Learning to let go of those vengeful feelings despite the fact that it may take years to let go of the memory is the true test of faith. But just as God hasn’t condemned us to a life of amnesia, He also hasn’t condemned us to a life of dwelling in pain. We don’t have to wallow in hurt or self-pity and we can actively renew our minds with help and inspiration from the Word. Paul says to, “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8,9 NLT)
It took lots of practice, but keeping my anger (and resulting thoughts) under control played a huge part in my ability to forgive my husband quickly and completely. In most cases, it helped me realize I had no reason to be upset at all.
Finally, there’s so much freedom in knowing that I am not called to be my own vindicator. Whether my husband was truly out-of-line or I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill, I can trust that God will correct the situation. As I’ve mentioned before, all I can be responsible for is my own attitude. I have to do my best not to live in strife with my husband. Ephesians 4:2 and 3 says, “Be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each others faults because of your love. Always keep yourselves united in the Holy Spirit, and bind yourselves together with peace.” What place could this be more applicable than in my marriage?
Choosing to harbor unforgiveness toward my husband is equivalent to sentencing my marriage to death by lethal injection. This is definitely an area of weakness, but it’s up to me to keep myself out of the devil’s grasp. In closing, here’s a passage that I think is the epitome of godly forgiveness, and it offers great encouragement when those ill-feeling are getting the best of me:
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you as honorable. Do your part to live in peace with everyone as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written, ‘I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,’ says the Lord. Instead, do what the Scriptures say: ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty; give them something to drink, and they will be ashamed of what they have done to you.’ Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.
*DISCLAIMER: In Ahmad’s defense, he’s not a jerk, and although I quoted the verse above, I never see him as my “enemy”. Unforgiveness is just one of those character traits that I’ve struggled to transform (in or outside the realm of marriage), but have learned how detrimental it can be to the marriage relationship.
Week in Review, 4/18-4/22
26 Apr 2011 1 Comment
in Wisdom Seekers Homeschool Academy
Happy belated Resurrection Day! He is risen indeed, and I’m so happy to be a part of the Body of Christ! Nevaeh and I had a great school week. I’m so encouraged by her enthusiasm– it makes things so enjoyable (and easier). I’m working on trying to occupy Marlee so she doesn’t have to spend school time “locked up” (that’s what we call putting her in her crib when we know she’s not going to go to sleep) or in her pack-n-play. We’ve done blocks, large lacing buttons, pots, pans and spoons (never again) and even letting her join us at the kitchen table, but as can be imagined of a 16-month-old, my best efforts only keep her entertained for so long. It’ll get better though. For now, we just make sure we’re all in the same room, that way even if she can’t reach us, she can at least still see us.
So here’s the rundown:
Bible: We spent this week talking about Jesus’ death and resurrection. Our memory verse came from Matthew 28:6. I was able to find a pretty neat video for us to watch on Youtube, although some of the dialogue was a little hard for her to follow. When the video came to the crucifixion scene, she immediately said, “Jesus died on the Cross to save us!”, although she did laugh out loud along with the “mockers”…
Reading and Phonics: We reviewed the sounds of and wrote letters S, T, and I; read aloud from our reader and also The Cat in the Hat Comes Back (Dr. Seuss); did a few worksheets, circling the picture with the correct beginning sound; played a game, matching each picture to the correct letter.
Math: We reviewed and practiced writing numbers 1-10 (and the number words); did a few worksheets with counting items and writing the number; played a memory game, matching the numeral to it’s corresponding number word; did a counting activity where she placed the correct number of beads on each number card.
Language: Besides reading together each day (we read On That Easter Morning, Mary Joslin, and Mother Goose’s Little Treasures, Iona Opie), most of our language activities consisted of daily conversations. I’ve noticed that Nevaeh has lots to talk about while riding in the car, so I made the most of every opportunity we had to go for a ride. We also practiced greetings and departures. Eventually she’ll do both without my guiding her and with a smile on her face! While leaving a restaurant on Saturday night, she did tell the hostess “Bye! See you tomorrow!”, completely unprovoked. Part of the reason we kept things casual is because I just purchased a book, The Parent’s Guide to Speech and Language Problems (Debbie Feit), and I wanted to have a chance to read through and gather and organize ideas, before I jumped into anything else. More of that in a later post.
Other than that, we did some crafts, mostly related to the Easter theme, practiced cutting straight lines with scissors, and got to be social at my monthly Mom Group!
Here’s wishing y’all a blessed and enjoyable week!
Week in Review, 4/11-4/15
16 Apr 2011 2 Comments
in Wisdom Seekers Homeschool Academy
First Day of School!
Well, I finally got my act together and realized that now was as good a time as any to start school– so we did! As I mentioned in a previous post, I have some… time-management issues. I was so focused on trying to wait until everything was “perfect” before we started school; knowing me, it would have been graduation time before I got everything to fall into place for a “perfect” school year! So, I had to scrap my excuses, gather and organize what I do have, and get the ball rolling. Also, I promised myself that I wouldn’t let the flexibility of a homeschooling schedule become my own personal excuse for passivity and complacency.
We kicked off the school year with a BANG! My husband just so happened to be off from work on Monday, and since his being home poses a major distraction for us girls, I decided to start the year off with a fun, free field trip. We went over to Dinosaur Ridge and hiked along the trail. We were able to see old dinosaur footprints, burrowing holes, and water ripple impressions left on the rocks of the mountainside. It was great! The hike wasn’t too hardcore, perfect for Nevaeh, and the incline was great for my thighs!
Ahmad and Nevaeh with a stegosaurus
The rest of our school week went a bit like this:
Bible– We read the story of Creation (from several different texts); learned a memory verse, Genesis 1:1; did a coloring sheet; and drew some pictures of different things God made… she drew lots of apples! We started each day with some worship and prayer, and the song she rocked out to the most was My Number One (Hillsong Kids).
Reading through her Bible
Reading and Phonics– We reviewed some letters and their sounds (A, M, T, S); practiced writing each letter with some poise and grace (or at least on the lines); did a worksheet– circling the picture with the appropriate beginning letter sound; did a fun little activity where she made words with letter tiles (based on the letter we discussed that day); and she did some reading aloud each day from a reader called Our Happy Ways (thanks, Ms. Joan, for the freebie!).
Word-building game
Math– We always begin by reviewing the date on a calendar I made for her; we reviewed numbers 1-5 (and the corresponding number word), and practiced writing each number and word; there were a few worksheets: on one, we matched groups of items to the proper number and on another we circled the correct number of items based on the number given; we also did some fun counting activities: *using an egg carton and some number tiles, she had to put the proper amount of beads in each cup (depending on which number tile was in the cup) *a file folder-style game, she matched pictures of groups of items to the correct number word *(her favorite) putting as many beads as she could fit on a string, and then counting her results
Bead counting activity
Language– Each day we read through some stories in Aesop’s Fables. We also had some discussions on food, the park, and the weather. We did a speech activity where I had her talk me through how to prepare a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She did great! We still have some work to do– she has trouble putting a full sentence together sometimes. Like, instead of saying “spread the peanut butter on the bread,” she’ll just point to the peanut butter and say “on the bread!” We’re making progress though, it just takes constant practice.
Miscellaneous– We watched a Signing Time video twice this week; did a letter matching game where she placed pictures on the letter that made the appropriate beginning sound; drew pictures of some food (to go along with our food discussion); and we also went on a hike at Deer Creek Canyon Park on Friday.
Daddy also treated the new kindergartener to the gift of music and bought her a keyboard! It’s so exciting! We’re taking things slowly, but so far, she knows how to locate Middle C and the proper finger positioning for her right hand. The year is starting great, despite my previous fears and unpreparedness!
C-D-E-F-G!
Hope y’all had a good week
A Wife After God’s Own Heart, pt 2: A Serving Wife
05 Apr 2011 2 Comments
in Daughters of Sarah, Nourishment
Here’s part two of our series! In part one I shared a bit about my journey to humility and how a humble spirit is so beneficial to the prosperity of my marriage. In this post I’m sharing my thoughts on serving my husband, and going further than fetching a drink. I’ve learned that serving him and being a servant all depend on my attitude, and as long as I keep that area of my flesh “in check” then I can serve him both willingly and joyfully.
Again, my inspiration for this series comes from Proverbs 31:10-12, a glimpse of the kind of wife I’m striving to be:
Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life.
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A Heart for Service
After washing their feet, He put on His robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because it is true. And since I, the Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. How true it is that a servant is not greater than the master. Nor are messengers greater than the one who sends them. You know these things— now do them! That is the path of blessing. —John 13:12-17 (NLT)
What a beautiful and, quite honestly, humbling example of the importance of service. This idea of serving others wasn’t just another one of Jesus’ sermons, but a literal lesson. It’s clearly a big deal! Although applied differently, this passage helped me realize that there is no better place for me to have the daily practice of serving others than in my home, and foremost, with my husband. But, this was another area where I’d have to fight against culture (and my own naivete’) and allow God to make some miraculous changes in my heart.
Service was definitely a heart issue for me. As I mentioned in part one, any act of service I completed was typically for the sole purpose of receiving praise and feeding my flesh. I would fold a few of my husband’s work shirts and think, I am a great wife… And he owes me! Ridiculous, I know. Since then though, I’ve learned that even “good” things, if done for the wrong reasons, are possibly more dangerous to me than all-out blatant sin.
A few verses prior to the passage quoted above, it says that Jesus “now showed the disciples the full extent of His love” (verse 1) with this amazing blessing He was about to perform. To me, that says that His heart was in this! Yes, it would have been a great lesson regardless, but He didn’t do it to merely prove a point. It was simply His love for those big, burly, dusty-footed men that provoked such an act. And I had to get to a place where my love for my husband was enough to make me want to serve him.
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Going Beyond “Acts of Service”
Washing His disciples’ feet is one of the most beautiful (and possibly courageous) examples Jesus gives of the importance of serving others. While this is probably the ultimate display of love and grace, I’m finding that there are other ways I can serve my husband that are just as pleasing and meaningful. One of the best ways I can serve him is by maintaining a right attitude. I speak of attitudes often, and I suppose that’s because I had a nasty one for so long. But, I found that this is something I can do for him that he always appreciates and enjoys. Going about the day with a smile, not nagging him about something on my never-ending “honey-do” list, and not letting every random circumstance offend me (and then blaming it on my hormones) is such a help. More than I realized, my attitude sets the tone for the whole house, and my being mindful of that is a great blessing to my husband.
Another more intimate and rewarding way I serve him, beyond your typical “acts”, is through prayer. Whether I’m standing in as an intercessor or standing in agreement, this is major and has a mighty impact. And it’s a great way to be certain that my heart is in the right place! Through prayer I’m able to put our individual wills aside and focus on the Lord’s will for us, and I can keep our relationship covered with grace. But, more importantly, there are times when the day just escapes me; I know my husband is looking forward to coming home to a hot meal, but in reality, it’s either cereal or sandwiches! I may not be able to do much to serve him physically or practically, but my prayers sent up throughout the day can do something to stir his spirit and touch his heart. This is probably the most consistent and effective way I get to serve him on a daily basis.
Serving my husband was, at one time, a burden for me. I couldn’t get past feeling like a servant. Jesus’ perfect example taught me that true, heartfelt service is nothing like that at all. In serving Ahmad, I’m showing him “the full extent of my love” and showing myself the wonderful ways Christ is working in me and God is changing me. I’m no longer pursuing acts to selfishly draw glory and gratify my flesh, but I’m willingly acting out of a response to the love displayed for us by Christ.
